Story on the Wall

Confrontations

Hello. I’m sorry you got caught up in this mess. In another universe, we could’ve been good friends. Maybe we can. I don’t know. If you’re worried I’m mad at you, maybe you should talk to me, since you may already have a clue of what’s going on.

I want to know your side of the story.

“Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, See No Evil” by Archie Geotina

“I had no interest on making new friends that semester. I was messed up. It felt like my future had no redemption from failures and personal issues. I am afraid of changes, so I knew that seeing my friends go on the next chapter of their lives would really be difficult for me. I felt alone. But I didn’t want anyone else to know about my situation so I wanted to keep myself from making new connections. No attachments, less humiliation.”

“It was on an August morning when I first met her. I got to my class late and she was on my seat. I never noticed her before and I don’t think anybody in our class knows her. I sat next to her and I guess she had no idea that she was in the wrong place. That’s how our story has always been. We are always at the wrong time in the wrong places. Timing was never our friend.”

“Like I told you, I was pretty messed up back then. I didn’t really care if I was always late in class and didn’t bother to know whoever I sat next to. But one day, I went to school an hour early just so I could study our lesson for a quiz. I still cared to pass the subject, of course. Turns out, both of us weren’t paying attention when our professor set the schedule for our quiz. So that day, both of us had six hours to spare. Supposedly, we had six hours to study. But we  didn’t. We had six hours to have lunch together, play video games, and have a bit of adventure. We had six hours to learn how to get along and be comfortable with each other. I had six hours to make a friend.”

“I have to admit, I kind of liked her in an instant. Maybe because of our differences that we found out could work. Maybe because of the time we’ve spent together. Maybe because it seems unusual to meet a total stranger that would come along with me through my impulsive ideas, like entering a restricted area such as the rooftop of the school building. We didn’t get caught, probably because we didn’t reach the rooftop — the door was locked. And that funny experience of having a total stranger do random stuff with me with the risk of getting into trouble gave me a feeling I’ve never had before. It was a different kind of excitement. It was a feeling that made me want to be closer with that total stranger.”

“But nothing really happened between us, nothing romantic. I don’t know if it was chemistry or what, but we clicked. People started to think we’re a thing and I hated that. But I like what we had. The random conversations went on a fast pace and we got to talk more about deeper things about life. Our conversations opened my mind to new possibilities and looked​ into different perspectives. I wasn’t supposed to make a friend, and then suddenly I made an exception.”

“Almost every day, I made the silliest excuses just to see her. It felt good to share with her my opinions, my life stories, my dreams, my problems, and my wicked and farfetched ideas. She was never really good at giving advice, but she tried. We had different beliefs, but she gave me respect. I tell her the lamest jokes I could think of and she still found it funny. I talked a lot of nonsense but she made me feel like everything I said made sense. She is such a good listener, and that made me realize that she was never used to being listened to. The more I saw how hesitant she was on sharing herself to anybody, the more I wanted to be there for her the moment she feels like opening herself up. And I felt like somehow she needed me.”

“We didn’t have much in common, especially when it comes to our personalities. But we share interest on some things that seem insignificant but deeply affects us in a way. We like the same genre of movies. We like reading books. And we both like the rain. We like the rustling sound it brings when it make the trees shiver. We like the way it takes away the warmth we’ve always been used to. We feel calmness from its chaos. Our world seems to pause from the downpour that takes us to a state of bittersweet nostalgia.”

“I was supposed to test the water but I plunged right in. The span of two weeks was enough for me to realize how I felt for her. I didn’t care how short it took us to get to know each other. I didn’t  care if she is three years older than me. I didn’t care if only a few supported me on this. I didn’t care how the numbers played out. I was so happy with her that all I could think of was what we could be. So the impulsive guy that I am brushed off everything that got in the way of getting to be with her. That time, she was all that mattered.”

“But I wasn’t naïve. I knew something quite wrong was bound to happen. There were things I meant to say that didn’t come out completely right. I should have said something, or at least should have stayed away. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t. Probably because I don’t want to throw away what we had. I tried to compose myself and find the right words to say, until it was too late.”

“That day, I gathered all the courage I had to confess to her. But all the words got tangled up as I gave her a rose, hoping it was enough for her to understand what I wanted to say. She took the rose but there was no response. I got so confused. Her face had no trace of gladness but more like disgust. Or was it fear? It was kind of hard to tell. So I asked her what was wrong, and she told me I should have given the rose to someone special.”

“I didn’t know what else to say but goodbye. It was the only escape I could think of that time.”

“I thought we were on the same page. Being with her felt so right, even though in reality I knew it was completely wrong. She came into my life as if she came to stay, then left me hanging on the idea that we were in love.”

“What we had was not a lie. But it wasn’t love.”

“She never told me she’s already taken.”

“He never told me he had you.”

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