December 27, 2015. I had a dream where my relatives were having a late afternoon picnic on top of a hill. Everyone was happy, the place filled with chatters, laughter, and food. My brother came to the picnic late and he brought along a big suitcase. I opened it up and three Siberian huskies got out and ran to the bottom of the hill. Since it was me who let out the dogs, I had to chase them and bring them back to my brother.
When I went back on top of the hill, everyone gathered excitedly around my cousin because she just gave birth to twins. Then, it went silent because my late grandmother came to visit.
I cried. I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t believe it.
She came to me and hugged me to comfort me. I asked, “How is this possible? You’re here with us.” She smiled and said, “I have always been here with you. I am here because of love. I lived my life loving and being loved by my family.”
“You should stop living your life in anger.”
Then I woke up.
I felt it in my heart that she came to visit me that night. I recognized her. Not just because I saw her in my dream the way I remember her — with her short curly chestnut brown-dyed hair, her golden skin, her small but strong frame, the wrinkles on her face, and the way her eyes glimmer when she smiles. I recognized her because I felt her love.
The dream took me back years before when our family gave her a surprise birthday party at a private resort. We surprised her with great food that my mom and aunts and uncles prepared for her. And there’s a large pool and a billiard table and karaoke. And of course, all her children with their spouses, and all her grandchildren and great grandchildren were there.
And there was this animated video sharing a funny story about my grandma that she used to tell her children. When she was just a little girl, everyday, she and my great grandmother would ride a small boat to town to sell home-made delicacies. One day, as they were heading to town, the boat tripped over and all their goods fell into the river. They immediately collected the goods soaked in water. And guess what? They sold all their delicacies that day because they tasted so good even if it got soaked in water!
My grandma cried that day. She said she was so happy. And it wasn’t because of the gifts, the preparations, the video. It was because we were all there. And I remember her crying, “This is the best gift I could ask for — love!” And we all cried and hugged her.
Her visit in my dream was very timely. I was going through a hard time. I was finding it hard to forgive the people who basically used me, shattered me and ruined my reputation at school. And I was also finding it hard to forgive myself for letting those people ruin me. My grandma came to the rescue. She wanted me to let go of anger and focus on what really matters which is love. I cannot say that I have completely forgiven those people because I still get haunted by their ghosts sometimes. But I can say that I have learned to love myself despite my emotional scars. My grandma woke me up from a nightmare and made me seek for beauty in my life. My grandma taught me how to love.
July 29, 2016. I had another dream about her. In a big living room, she was sitting on a comfortable-looking chair. She got up and hugged me so tight that I seem to feel it physically. I can see that she was happy. She then told me that this will be the last time I will see her in my dreams, but we will see each other again someday.